All good things come with lots of attitude

June 27, 2007, 12:14 am
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Monkey loves hiding under my summer dresses. She runs up to me yelling “Mommy! Hide!!” and will pull my skirt over her head. Oh, did I mention that she does this WHILE I’M WEARING THE DRESS? This is the hilarious new game we like to call “Let’s literally be up Mommy’s butt all day.”

This afternoon, we were at the vet’s office checking up on our poor Timon. (He had surgery yesterday to remove some stones from his bladder. Poor kitty wasn’t looking too hot.) Anyways, we’re in the waiting room when a big, black lady comes out from the office with her dog. She stands by the counter waiting to sign over her left kidney for the services rendered to her mutt when Monkey turns to me with that look in her eye. The one that tells me that she’s about to do something very embarrassingly hilarious. You know, the kind of antic where you want to melt into the floor when it happens. But then, later that night, as you’re downing your fourth margarita, you start to crack up and realize that it was actually the funniest friggin thing you’ve ever seen? Wait, or, is that just me?

So, she’s looking at me with those huge eyes of hers, grinning her toothy smile, and says, “Momma, hide?”

I was confused for a second. Where the hell was she going to hide?

Then, I look over and notice that the very large black lady is wearing a black and white muumuu.

I had to quietly explain to her that I didn’t think the lady would appreciate it if she hid under her dress, and that playing hide-and-seek is really only a Mommy and Monkey game. Her little face fell with that look of total disappointment that only chubby-cheeked two-year-olds can muster.

Trust me, Babygirl, one day you’ll thank me for not letting you hide up that lady’s butt.


Sand and Mermaids
June 23, 2007, 8:08 pm
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The Monkey’s napping schedule has been all over the place this week, which has led to some fabulous displays of moodiness from the little princess. I swear, her attitude problem rivals mine. However, in an attempt to get her back on track, I’ve been trying to take her out for runs in the jogging stroller or long walks in her regular stroller to try and get a catnap in and avoid the dreaded 6 o’clock meltdown.

After one of our runs around Prospect Park, I took her to the playground where she actually played in the sand. This is quite the departure from last year, when she’d screech like an angry kitty whenever the offensive grains of sand touched her skin. Anyways, we learned that while sandwiches are pretty yummy, SAND itself is really not that edible.

Candy = Yummy. Sand = Not So Yummy.

Back to the running thing for a moment…before I forget, one of her favorite things to do while I’m huffing and puffing up a hill is to yell, “Faster Mommy!” over an over again. It’s cute if you’re not the one hauling her butt up the hill.

Other things we learned this week:

hooray for silly straws!
Everything tastes better out of a silly straw.

The princess gets a ride at the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island
At 5’2″, Mommy is still a decent enough perch for viewing the Mermaid Parade.

The week in review
June 15, 2007, 9:26 pm
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It was a busy week, but a good kind of busy.

There was some Elmo fun on the laptop:


Then, Monkey took a trip to Coney Island in her Tinkerbell bathing suit. Unlike last year, she actually enjoyed playing in the sand with her bucket and shovel.


A few days later, we had fun at a mobile museum. It was part of the sumer fair at the elementary school by our home and featured dinosaurs. There were real fossils, including turd fossils. When I explained to Monkey that the ‘rock’ in her hand was actually old poopy, she gave me a look, put the fossil poop back, and wiped her hands on her sweater. I didn’t blame her.


We rounded off the week with a few games of bowling. The Monkey was the best cheerleader, giving all of us ‘Yay!’ and ‘Good job!’ just for getting the bowling ball down the lane.


I’m OK, you’re OK
June 10, 2007, 9:03 pm
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As Monkey and I were crossing the parking lot to enter the grocery store, a little girl fell and began to cry.
Monkey instantly turned to me and said, “Oh, no. Baby crying!”

Me: It’s OK, she has her mommy with her.

Monkey: Her mommy will kiss the boo-boo and make it better?

Me: Yes, Monkey. She’ll kiss it and make it all better.


I go into Monkey’s room to wake her up. She hides under the covers and pretends to still be asleep, so I grab her butt.

Me: Look what I find! A monkey butt!

(Monkey laughs maniacally.)

Me: Yay! I found a new monkey butt to add to my collection!

Monkey: (stops, and looks at me seriously) Mommy, no! This is my butt! You have your own.

Monkey drops a hint
June 7, 2007, 3:27 am
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Hey, Grandma, guess what the Monkey wants more of…

The more we eat, the more we toot
June 7, 2007, 3:04 am
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We had a bbq a couple of weekends ago in the back of Mami’s building. The Monkey enjoyed her very own corn on the cob.


I mean, she REALLY enjoyed it. After she ate the kernels, she gnawed on the cob for a while.


That night, I got to hear her little butt-trumpet through the baby monitor as she slept. There are few things funnier than a “musical” toddler.

Summer days
June 1, 2007, 5:31 pm
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Monkey got a kite for her birthday. I decided to finally break it out and take it for a test run the other day.
So, I packed up the Monkey and we headed off to the great lawn in Prospect Park. It was a beautiful day, perfect for some kite flying.


Unfortch, the concept of the kite was a bit lost on the princess. She threw a fit every time I got the kite in the air, screeching “MY KITE!!!” and throwing a fit. I finally figured out if I let her hold onto the tail of the kite, Monkey would squeal as I flew the kite a whopping 6 feet into the air.


Afterwards, we played around a bit in the playground where Nia proceeded to commandeer the jungle gym and refused to let anyone near them until I stepped in and explained to her that she, in fact, does not OWN the playground. It is not Nia’s playgroud, it’s everyone’s playground. Hmm, greedy much?


We ended the afternoon with a very phallic ice pop. Mmm, nothing says summer like a popsicle that’s bigger than you are tall.